Separated

Fieldwork seemed harder today. I realized that I needed to start reframing my question when I introduced myself at the health clinics. Instead of saying “I’m interested in meeting women who have spouses in the U.S.”, I needed to say, “I’m interested in meeting women with children whose fathers are in the U.S”. This occurred to me after a few women asked me if it still “counted” if it wasn’t their spouse (anymore) but father of their children. Of course! I felt ignorant. That’s exactly the issue here-children growing up without a second parent and the responsibility of raising children becomes solely on the women left behind. The more I think about it, all I’m discovering is how migration breaks families apart and not just temporarily but indefinitely. Just a little depressing! Men don’t leave and say they'll be back next year. They don’t know when they’ll be back and most know that if they do cross that dangerous border that they’ll stay “upstairs” (as some call it here) until they get deported. On average, most women tell me that their “husbands” have been gone about 6 to 10 years. Are these women really waiting around? Don’t they know they their husband can’t go 10 years without a women to take care of them!? Come on, let’s face it, they must have other women and families up north. It’s just not realistic to be apart for 10+ years. And it’s not like me where I get to use Skype and see Danny and my family almost every day. I don't want to generalize or offend because there are definitely marriages that seem to be in tact despite geographic distance. But the reality is that far too often men do not return...ever. It almost feels frustrating, like it’s unfair to women and children to leave and not come back! But then again many faithfully send a paycheck every month to support their loved ones at home. Wow, I’m back and forth. This issue is way too complex and grey for a paragraph, or even a book for that matter.

Thankfully I’m not here to learn about transnational marriages and functional relationships, because that would be a little awkward to discuss in just my short time here! But it does seem to weave itself into an interview. I’m here to see the effects on children and no one here has denied that migration affects the children. Families are separated by borders, and children are separated from parents.